What it means to be 20

20. Early adulthood. The stressful middle-child in my book. School days are over. Accepting that is tough. You might not have a sense of direction or a clear path ahead. A learning period, a supposed exciting age with risk and success and failure and sadness. An age to learn the ropes of life better than you did before. What it's like, my thoughts and ideas and how i find it frightening is what i'm trying to figure out for myself through writing.  

I turned 20 about 2 months back and it isn't any different to being 19. There is an added sense of figure out what you're going to do with your life but other than that, nothing else really changed. It's not surprising to think that other people will view you the same way after a certain age but i think the one thing that can change is how you view yourself. I've become more aware of how i present myself to the world, using my time for what's important to me and more-so than ever being caught up with the million dollar question asking myself what now. I don't think i'll ever have a correct answer. It's sort of a paradox of choice where if you continue one path, you won't know how the other path might've gone to really understand if you made the right decision. So i think it's easier to say there can never be a correct answer. And the real answer should be to just choose and pursue what you believe in for better or for worse. Then at least you move on with your life.

I'm not one for risks but i've come to know this is the best time to take some. I like risks. I love the uncertainty of where things could lead, however i do find myself too analytical about the consequences that might follow. That hinders me from pursuing much. I came across a quote by Dylan Wood which i found encouraging. He says "Nothing is really certain, after all. Instead of clinging to the fake certainty, move beyond your comfort zone and see what's out there. You're young and can afford calculated risk. Your life should be a meaningful adventure." He makes a good point because you might as well take advantage while you are young rather than regret it later on. There was another thing i heard which said, Your 20s are more often more about motion rather than direction. Right now i don't have a good sense of where my life is headed but taking action would surely help me figure things out along the way.

Overall i don't think there's actually anything that "means" to turn 20. It just kind of happens and you're like well guess i'm 20 years old now. I think that's true with turning any age because at some point or other i think we were all convinced that turning a certain age was absurd. Obviously it happens but it can take time to really adjust. Somebody told me a while back that in 10 years, i'll be 30. That just seems crazy and it got me thinking. I figured out that 10 years is not really that much time and making the best of it is the only way to make it work. It might flash before my eyes in a second and next thing i know i'd be 10 years away from being 40 which just sounds impossible. For now i think i should take full use of being young and free because you are only 20 once. Now i'm looking to make it a 20 to remember. And if i'm ever stuck, i'll just do what makes a better story.